Reflections of the Enemy
by yokascruz
Summary: Faith's relationship with John Miller is put to the test when Bosco comes back into her life. How will she choose between 2 completely different loves? Written preThird Watch finale


Title: Reflections of the Enemy  
Author: Mandi  
Characters: Bosco/Faith/Miller  
Summary: Faith needs to make a choice.  
Disclaimer: They are not mine

Author's Note: I wrote this before the series finale. I kinda sorta already knew she was gonna end up w/Miller so here's my take of her future w/him and of course I had to throw Bosco back in the mix.

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The mirror is her enemy.

Black tears fall slowly from her eyes.

Hollow eyes.

The ache in her heart is more than she can bare at times. Sending her into these moods. These depressions. The pain of her constant betrayal plagues her every thought. Guilt rips at her conscience. Unrelenting.

Two men.

One oblivious to her misgivings. Blind to her cold heart. Blinded by love.

The other, wanting whatever he can get from her. Needing her. Not accepting a life without her.

Night after night she is torn between them. Sleepless nights.

She wants to choose, but she cannot. It really does not matter anymore. She has killed them both. Like she did herself the moment she was overcome with weakness. The moment she gave into them.

She took a step forward.

Now there was no turning back.

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Lieutenant John Miller was everything a woman could ever want. Tall, dark, and handsome. His eyes were a clear blue; big and beautiful. So full of trust and love. Total and unfailing devotion. He touched a part of her heart no other man ever did. His sweetness, his all around good nature completely swept her off her feet from the second she lost herself in his smile.

She had met him, her first day as a Detective. In the short time they had spent together back then, she knew there was a connection. They had so many things in common. More than she cared to admit at the time.

It was not until a year after they first met, when their paths crossed once again. This time, he seized the moment. His heart always light hearted around her, but his breathing quick. He was smitten with her. And he let her know it. She may have been hesitant at first, but his subtle charm broke through her barriers.

The physical attraction was there from the beginning. But he showed her from their very first date that it was more than that with him. He saw through her facade, the smile she hid behind. He took her hand then, not even two minutes into their date and told her he would never hurt her. He was not her ex. He put his heart on the line that night, and as she stared into his eyes, right then and there. She trusted him. She trusted those eyes and they had never let her down since. He had never let her down.

Years went by and in the back of her mind she always withheld a sense of guilt. And the day she said 'yes' to his marriage proposal was when she finally realized why for three years she had harbored her unexplainable misconceptions.

When you marry someone. You give that person everything you are. Mind, body, and soul. She had done it with Fred the first time around. Giving him everything that she was. But this time with John; she knew it was different. Between the time she first married Fred and now, someone had entered her life. Someone who over the years had made an impression so lasting on her, that he would forever be an imprint on her soul. So even if she wanted to give all of herself to John, it was near impossible because there was a part of her she could never give.

A part of her belonged to someone else.

Her soul.

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It had been three years since they parted ways. Parting in a way both will forever regret, but she had moved on without him. She fell in love with someone else. Not wanting to look back, but always never far from her thoughts is where he lingered.

One night, she wondered the city. The end of another difficult shift, she did not want to take it home with her. Home to John, who had his own on the job horrors to deal with. She found herself at a bar. Familiar. So full of memories. She took a seat in a back corner booth, wanting seclusion.

Ten minutes and one glass of straight up vodka went by before her eyes found him. Making his way casually into the place, taking up a seat at the bar. She could not breathe for a moment, unsure of what to do. Should she go up and talk to him? Or should she walk out, pretend she had never seen him again? Now, she wished she chose the latter.

She sat there in silent contemplation for a moment before getting up to approach him. Before she could though, a young beautiful brunette reached him, draping her arm loosely over his shoulders.

At that moment it hit her. A feeling like nothing she had ever experienced before. It was nothing like the love she felt for John. Based solely on his kindness and good heart. This was different. As she watched the brunette begin to stroke his hair, she was hit with an overbearing desire for possession. To take him, claim him as her own, let no other woman look or touch him the way the brunette was. It was feelings, emotions, so foreign to her that the sight of the two together, brought tears to her eyes.

Had he moved on too? The thought made her sick to her stomach. She fled to the bathroom, brushing pass him and not caring if he had seen her. She dried her eyes when she reached the back. Hunching over slightly, trying to calm her racing heart. That is when she felt him. Even before he lightly touched her back, she felt him. His presence. Their unbreakable bond.

She turned to look at him. Her breathing quick as he neared her. His eyes never leaving hers. Studying. Memorizing. He was not gentle with her that night. The heat was unbearable. Unquenched for too long. She gave in to him that night. Every night since. Losing herself in his arms.

Dying little by little each day because of her indiscretions.

Drowning.

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_Bosco..._

She uttered his name in her sleep one night. John heard her. Asked her about it the next morning. Like so many times before she covered the truth with lies. And like so many times before he would smile and turn a blind eye. Loving her. Trusting her too much to do otherwise.

She was selfish. She knew that. She wanted them both. Needed them both. John kept her sane. Made her feel like a human being. Showed her a life worth living.

Then there was Bosco. He completed her. Plain and simple. She could never escape him. He lived in her blood. Blood that boiled so hot when she neared him that she was afraid to touch her own skin.

She carried on the affair for months all while trying to plan a doomed wedding. A wedding she knew was no longer possible because as deeply as she loved John. The mark that Bosco had left on her years earlier ran deeper than anything else she could feel for any other man.

She had to make a choice.

She knew John was the right one. He had to be. She knew he would take care of her. Love her, keep her on a pedestal because that is what he had done from the beginning. But she just could not let go of the past. Let go of Bosco. She tried to deny her feelings in a futile attempt to prove to herself that she did not need him in her life. That she was fine without him. Truth was, without him near, there was an emptiness that ate away inside. There was no place she felt safer than being in his arms.

There was no easy way out. She was stuck. Between two completely different loves. In her own sick way she loved them both, but with Bosco it was more than that. Sheer possession. An ache in her heart so strong it left her clutching her chest at times. She knew now that she could not stand seeing him with anyone else. He was hers and hers alone and she could never give him up. Not now. Not ever.

Where did that leave John?

Where did that leave the child now growing inside of her?

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Bosco was the first she told. She watched his eyes for his reaction. Knowing full well that his eyes never lied to her. She smiled when he did. Hugged him tighter when he held her. He had never asked her to leave John before. For that she had always been grateful, but upon hearing her news the question finally left his lips.

_Is it gonna be me or him?_

He looked at her. Her eyes. Seeing the conflict in them and nodding quietly to himself. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. He leaned forward then. Brushing his lips lightly against hers before pulling away. Telling her he would be there when she made her decision. Then he left her.

Standing alone.

She took a deep breath. How would she tell John?

She was on her way home when he stopped by outside of the House. He quickly lifted her into his arms and kissed her. His smile brightened his entire demeanor. She pulled away quickly. Wanting to know what brought upon so much excitement. Her face fell at his words.

_Emily told me you were pregnant._

He stroked her hair delicately, took her hand in his and lead her to his car. They were going to go out to celebrate. They were on their way to the car when from the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of Bosco's dark eyes. Cold and enraged as he stood next to his Mustang, glaring at the couple walking pass him. Faith's breath caught in her throat as he made his way to them.

There was no warning.

Just his fist connecting with the side of John's face.

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Weeks went by and her apologies were never ending. A light went out in John's eyes. His final stance. His final words were everything she did not want to hear. He loved her too much to watch her torment. He made the choice for her. He left her soon after. Packing his bags and leaving with a mere note laid out on the kitchen table.

_It could never be the same between us. Not after him._

She hurt him. Far worse than anyone ever could. But he still loved her. An unwavering affection he knew would haunt him the rest of his days. So he let her go. Left when all he could hear was the sound of his heart breaking.

After reading his note, she went to Bosco. She had not spoken to him since that night outside the House. The night he let his emotions overtake him. Unable to control his actions against a man who threatened the love she had brought to his heart. He was not sorry for what he did, but that night, she went home with John, leaving him standing in the cold night air.

She explained to Bosco what had happened. That it was finally over with John. She was his. And his alone. He nodded at the revelation. Taking it in and showing no emotion. He stood from the couch where they sat. Paced back and forth for minutes. Minutes that seemed like hours. Hours that seemed like days. And when his tear filled eyes turned to look at her again, he slowly. Painfully. Shook his head.

_For once. I wanted you to choose me. In the end, you couldn't do that._

She argued with him. Telling him it had always been him. She had just been kidding herself. A knife he stuck in her heart when he would not listen. But she had gone home with John that night. And for Bosco. That was the end. She had ended it that night between them even if she did not know it at the time. He kissed her one last time.

_You had my heart...and now you're nothing to me._

With that he was gone again. From her life. For good this time.

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The moonlight illuminates her tear stained face.

Her vision blurry as she continues to stare into the mirror in front of her.

In the end she was left alone.

Neither men willing to risk their hearts any longer.

She did not blame them. She brought the loneliness upon herself. It was her fault.

Her inability to decide what love she could not do without became her downfall. She wipes the tears from her eyes. Her vision finally becoming clear.

She closes her eyes and lowers herself slowly to the ground.  
She laughs. An unfeeling laugh as she comes to finally realize.

The mirror was never her enemy.

It only spoke the truth. Revealed the truth.

Reflecting the real enemy.

Herself.


End file.
